How Blue Can You Get

I know it has only been approximately a week since my last post, but "life" is just throwing me a few too many screw balls!  First I'm up and then I'm down, I just want things to go uphill at a steady pace, not jump so erratically.  There it is "no patience" raising it's ugly head again!

Okay what I'm talking about, remember me discussing my lab numbers last week?  Just a "catch up," in case you missed it.  I went to my oncologist last week and Neutrophil (NE) count was 0.6 (my infection fighters) and my lymphocyte (LY) count was 67.1.  Neither number was in the range they should be after 60-70 days since my stem cell transplant.  Last week, because of the numbers problem I was given an Injection of Neupogen (in the tummy).  I only needed Tylenol last week.

I went back for a recheck again on Wednesday this week and the NE count had bumped to 0.8 and the LY count fell to 58.9.  Not good enough for the doctor, so I got another Neupogen injection.  This time within 5 hours, my hips, thighs and even my hands hurt very, very bad.  Deep bone pain, headache and I felt lousy, like I was coming down with the flu (but I really wasn't; it was just the side effects of the Neugogen.)  I took a Percocet pain pill and went to bed (I rarely take a pain pill) so you have to assume how bad I felt.  On Thursday, I felt a little better but wondered why I felt like a truck had run over me.  Yesterday, I felt good, just a little fatigued.  Today, I feel pretty good, so I am climbing back up the "feelin good" hill, yea!!

My good friend Bonnie, so creative she is, sent me this card she made.  It did lift my spirits, now I just need my numbers to start moving in the right direction.

I was so upbeat on Tuesday, before the Wednesday doctor visit.  I drove myself to physical therapy, it was a beautiful afternoon.  After therapy was finished I drove home on our country roads with the sun roof open and the warm sun shining, radio turned up loud, listening to B.B. King sing "How Blue Can You Get!" And, on Thursday evening we were invited to supper with some of our dear friends.  I was really looking forward to the visit.  I have not been out much lately, boo hoo!  Well, we had to cancel the supper date, because I was so sick.

That's what I'm talking about dear friends and bloggers, this cancer thingy has put me down since Wednesday.  I am having a hard time getting back on a positive mode.  I know all the standard answers and the circumstances of my life which are pushing at me just a tad too hard right now.  It is that old "patience" thing again.  Believe me I trust in God to love me on the good days and the not so good days, and He is probably just waiting on me right now to trust in Him.  Okay, friends, family and fellow bloggers, I guess I need to get on my phone to God right now, He's waiting on me and I know he will never disappoint me, so hang in there God, I'm calling right now to say this blog has got me over my pity party!  I am ready to live again and never give up.  I feel so good now that I want to show you some beautiful flowers in my garden that God has provided to comfort me.

I think the bottom yellow flowers are asters of some sort.  They always bloom this time of year without any help from me.  And the little lavender flowers were dug up for me by a neighbor of my son in Atlanta, many, many years ago.  I have no idea what it is.  The neighbor did purchase plants from the Atlanta Botanical Society when they would have some of their plants on sale.  Maybe someone out there in Blog-a-sphere space may know what it is.  It blooms like this every year, spring and fall when the weather is cool.

I feel so much better now, thanks for listening to my whining.  I am ready for next week's lab work and I will cross that "number" bridge when it gets here.  God Bless Each And Every One Of You.

"Someone Else's Star"

Just when you think, YEA, finally everything is going in my favor, BOOM, another roadblock gets in your way.  I went to the oncologist on Monday, Sept. 17th for lab work and a check up.  I have been feeling good except for occasional fatigue, so when my oncologist called me in person instead of the nurse, that same afternoon, I knew something was up.  He told me he wanted to re-check my labs on Friday, Sept. 21st, because my Neutrophil (NE) count was 0.6 (too low) and my Lymphocyte (LY) count was 67.1 (too high).  Okay, not sure what that meant but I do whatever he recommends.  So back we went on Friday for the lab re-check.  The numbers were exactly the same.  He said he needed to give my bone marrow a "bump."  This is done with an injection of Neupogen (I've had this many times in the past, so I am familiar with the side effects).  The Neupogen is needed to stimulate the bone marrow which will stimulate my white blood cells.  Remember the Neutrophil count above, well that is my "infection fighters,"  so very important to raise that number.

Now if any of you bloggers are not totally understanding the above, welcome to my club!  Half of what I hear from the doctors and nurses is Greek to me, but my motto is do what they say, they have kept me alive so far and that ain't a bad thing.  And also, did I mention the doctor also told me I am Vitamin D deficient, well no surprise there, I missed the entire summer of sun stuck in a hospital.  I have added "that pill" to my others..........

Hence, the title of my blog is "Someone Else's Star" by country singer Bryan White.  Some of the lyrics go like this......"I guess I must be wishin' on someone else's star.  It seems like someone else keeps getting what I'm wishin' for.  Why can't I be as lucky as those other people are?  I guess I must be wishin' on someone else's star."

That's what happens to me when I am disappointed, I cry over sad songs or I feel the need to shop, usually though it is for socks, bras and things folks usually don't see!

Anyway, I did go shop after the news and the injection yesterday.  You can't see the new bra or socks but you can see the new fleece vest I bought.  My sister-in-law, Joanne, sent me the white blouse and scarf for my birthday.  Aimee gave me the earrings for my birthday.  And, the new black boots I ordered from L.L. Bean arrived yesterday.  I almost forgot, I bought the red wool beret yesterday as well.  Okay, I'm ready for cold weather, bring it on!

And here is the "entire" outfit!

The effects of the Neupogen hit you about 5-6 hours after the injection (at least it does for me.)  Your bones ache so much, especially your large bones like your thighs and hips.  I just take Tylenol but have to get in bed.  Much better this morning, still feel a little tired, but no more shopping for me.  And the down side is I have to wear a surgical mask anytime I am in the grocery store, department store, etc.  until my numbers get a little higher.

I love to listen to songs, even sad ones, but I know that my true healer is God and I am always in his hands and he will carry me even when I can't do it on my own.  Thanks for listening to me ramble, that is part of the healing for me, being able to share my feelings.  God Bless Each One Of You!

Viva Westminster!!

Okay, so it has been a few weeks since coming back home to Westminster and you have not heard a word from me, cut me some slack.  I have been so busy moving from one chair to the next, reading books, eating my own food, and most of all just gazing out the window at God's beauty.  But, time is moving on and I am getting stronger every day, in spite of myself!  Here is a picture I took the day we left our Greenville Apartment Complex, bye, bye to the Paddock Club Apartments.  That is me on the last day, August 3, 2012.

I do love my sun glasses and hat!

The day we drove home, was a happy, happy day.  When Bill turned onto Oliver Road, just minutes from our house, I started to cry.  Bill asked what was wrong, I said, "I'm so happy to be home, I thought that I might not make it back, but I guess I was wrong and God was right!"

Sometimes I dwell on what I have lost, days and weeks that have turned into months of struggling to just keep going, never giving up.  There were many days and weeks my cries could be heard by Bill.  Bill is a gentle man and can always bring me back to, "tomorrow you will be stronger, just keep your focus on Nathan and Katie."

I think I have finally reached that plateau where Bill hears not so much crying and lots of, " I can do that and I love the oncology therapy thing I go to twice a week."

So to each of my readers I pray for you as well, that whatever your "spot" is right now in life.  That sadness, worry or doubt can only be helped if you have faith that God will carry you during those times you can't do it on your own.  It also helps to have good friends and family to lean on and a great caregiver!

My kids and grand kids came to visit for my birthday, what a blessing for us.  Here is one of those early morning precious moments when no make-up is required to snuggle with Nathan and Katie enjoying my first cup of coffee!

I am on Day 55 (from the actual transplant date of July 8, 2012), when my stem cells were infused back in my body.  I visited the oncologist yesterday and my numbers are continuing to go up, good thing!  I am still somewhat vulnerable for the first 100 days.  I will be on anti-viral meds for one year.  Then I will start the process to be re-vaccinated with all the vaccines I  received as a child, such as Polio, measles, mumps, etc.  I will have a PET scan at 100 days, 200 days and I think one year.  I am taking it one day at a time.

So, one last picture, still no hair, so how do you like me in the hat Michael brought me back from Paris this summer?  Can't see the earrings very well in this picture, but Aimee gave me 3 sets of dangling earrings, love them!

 Love to all of you and my prayer for you is this.  I hope you have learned at least one piece of information through my rambling blogs that will help you maneuver through this beautiful life.  God Bless You.