Obstacle Course

Wow, it feels so good to be able to write on my blog today.  I know it has been awhile since I have communicated via my blog, but when cancer is "at bay" I have enjoyed tending to other activities.  I will catch you up on my "life," a wonderful word to say.

Last year was the color white for me.  It came in the form of many, many visits to hospitals, doctors, nurses, labs, etc.  White truly was not my favorite color last year.  But, oh so different this year.  If I could call last year the marathon of white, this year has only been an obstacle course of white.  I had cataract surgery since we last communicated and the latest obstacle is dealing with a Squamous Cell Carcinoma on my upper lip.  Here is a picture of me taken before the skin cancer surgery, and if you look close, you can detect a red area just above my lip.  Believe me I will not scare you with the pictures taken after the MOHS surgery to remove the cancerous area.  This past Friday, a plastic surgeon did reconstructive surgery to put my little broken lip back together.  It doesn't look well yet, lots of stitches, but I have enormous faith that I will be wearing lipstick again real soon.

No more blond, hair came in light brown and somewhat curly!

I have had to drink my coffee with a straw!  You know me, it is hard to stop the coffee habit!  But, oh those "Frosty's" are so good as well!  I still need to add a few pounds, but darn, how can a girl eat when her lip is "broken."

Back to the color white.  This beautiful sunny Sunday morning I walked outside, and from my front porch I could see lots of white flowers in my yard.  I grabbed my camera to take some pictures for you to enjoy.

Gardenia bush, smells lovely!

My Easter Lilies

I believe all this white has revealed itself to me today, letting me feel the assurance that my faith in God is real and that I will not falter.  It gives me hope for a possible new beginning.  I saw figs on our trees and blueberries on a bush that were not there last year.  So for those of you that may falter in your faith from time to time, think of me and I hope that your faith will be renewed.  There is something to be said for patience.

It was a hard choice to make to downsize and move closer to our family.  We have listed our home for sale.  It is a great home and will continue to be a great home for another family.  After all, I became a cancer survivor here.  With family support and the continued strength and comfort I receive each day from God, I will continue to meet each new challenge with grace.  For all of you that have not been able to visit us in South Carolina.  Take a small tour by visiting us on the Trulia.com website.  Type in Westminster, SC and look up lakeandland realty (101 Weeks Way).  One final picture from a distance; me sitting on my front porch swing, so you can't see my poor little broken lip!

Penny for your thoughts...........

 

God Bless all that take the time to read my blog.  Happy Father's Day!  I think of my sweet, strong Dad and Grandpa up in Heaven and hope they are proud of me.  Sending all my love........
Glenda

Mama's House

The anticipation to see Mama has been so great.  I have not visited her in almost 2 years while battling this disease.  As Bill and I planned our trip to Miami, I was on an all time high.  I was feeling very good, quite cocky I might add.  I assumed nothing could hurt me!  I packed sun hats, sun block, sandals, all South Florida essentials!  Just as an after thought Bill mentioned he better pack the thermometer, so I also added my RX of Cipro.  Of course, I would not need them, just the Boy Scout motto, Bill said, "Be Prepared!"  To tell you the truth, I hated the thought of packing them, it made me seem "not well.........."

Oh did I mention, I developed a "slight" cough a few days before we left for Miami.  I assumed it was the effect of our South Carolina pollen we get every Spring.  We arrived in Miami on a Thursday afternoon and all seemed okay.  My brother Brent and his wife Sandra were flying in from Texas on Friday and my brother Brian and his wife Ann lived just minutes from Mama.  I was looking forward to our time together.

I felt extra tired on Friday and my cough was getting worse, still was doing okay though.  On Saturday, I told Bill I was not feeling well, took my temperature and oops, had a fever.  Bill called the Cancer Center and was told to start me on the Cipro.  On Sunday, Mama was preparing what she calls a "Surf and Turf" dinner for everyone including Champagne!  Oh my, my world fell apart that afternoon!  I got really sick, vomiting and diarrhea.  In came the artillery, Sandra and Ann.  Bill called the Cancer Center again and they ordered more drugs to combat the new symptoms.  Sandra got the bucket and cold cloth for my head, Ann kept Mama busy in the kitchen (I said I did not want Mama to see me sick) and Bill went off to CVS for the drugs!  I guess my brothers just said, "What???  We might as well have a beer!"  While the Phenergan suppository and Lomitil did its thing, the dinner went on for the rest of my family.  I came out of the bedroom after a couple of hours feeling better.  I did try a few bites of the Prime Rib, mashed potatoes and fresh green beans, very little, no Champagne, boo hoo!  Here is a picture of the dinner I missed.

Brian, Ann and Allen with the "star" lobster!

Here is a picture of me and Mama after I spent a few hours in bed!  Wish I had Mama's tenacious attitude, I seem to crumble when it is crunch time!  I must say, if you are going to be sick, there is no place but Mama's house where everything is okay!

 We left for home the next day, long, long journey.  I am doing better and my call to the Cancer Center assured me that this type of illness is quite common for a patient only 8 months since stem cell transplant.  They said until I am approximately a year and a half from transplant, I need to be extra careful.  Frequent hand washing, wear my mask when in doubt, but don't necessarily need to live in a bubble.

To tell you the truth, I am just a little gun shy right now.  I just came back from CVS and the grocery store so I wore my mask both times.  I truly know God is in charge.  I feel like I just had my Queen taken in a chess game!  This illness put me back a notch or two!  But, I know with prayers and taking it easy for a little while longer, this girl will be back laughing about this in no time.

All in all, I would not trade the trip to see my Mama, brothers and sisters in law for anything.  I felt so good giving away some more of my watercolors.  My brother Brian (I was surprised), chose as one of his paintings, "The Girl in the Blue Dress."  I have used it as my picture in my blog.

Time will heal all my ills, He just told me to have patience.  Love to all my readers. I hope this brightens your day when you are feeling down, patience and prayers to you all.

L.O.V.E. Is Personal

I know LOVE was in the air yesterday for lots of folks out there in Bloggger Land.....after all it was Valentine's Day.

But, as Valentine's Day approached this year, I thought long and hard of what my Valentine's Day was like in 2012.  That is why LOVE is very personal to me.  Love is not just about one day for me, love is many, many things to me.  I reflect on the love of my friend Elaine holding my hand in the ER on Mother's Day evening as a tube was put in my nose.......or in the wee hours of the morning when our friends Jean and Serge answered Bill's frantic phone call to help get me out of bed and head to the ER once again.  The love I felt when I saw my son Michael standing next to my bed in the Intensive Care Unit.  That's not how you want your child to see you.  And of course, our steadfast neighbors Paul and Gloria always providing food and support in every way possible.  I could go on and on so I will stop there, but you get my feeling of why LOVE is very personal to me.

February last year was a reminder of hard times.  But, through it all I survived the many procedures, chemo, etc. and discovered what real LOVE is all about.  Love for me is not about the fast dance, but the slow dance that will reward me with the most blessings.  I must continue to trust in God, have faith and courage, but most of all be open to Love that comes in many forms.

It took some work and planning this year to show my Love Bird what he means to me.  He has endured many a pot of soup, crock pot of something and cornbread during this process to win the battle.  It took me several days to cook everything, but OUR day yesterday turned out just great.  I made his favorite meal:  Meatloaf and gravy, mac and cheese, fresh vegies, yeast rolls and of course homemade banana pudding!  Here are the pictures to prove it!

After making this meal, maybe some of my Math aficionados out there can tell me why I needed to know algebra to get by in life.  I could always balance my check book, convert a recipe or figure out measurements for sewing.  Only God knows how in the world I became  Secretary to the AVP of Treasury at BellSouth, go figure, my boss never asked if I could do algebra only if I could type!  To tell you the truth, I thought X's were only to fill in boxes that needed filling......just did not understand the concept of  X = Y (Why?) or Y = Z (snoring/boring?)  So, I have come to the conclusion that algebra will not be added to my bucket list of things I want to learn before folks sing the words to Hymn of Promise at my funeral, which by the way, if I just keep to God's plan for me, will be a few more years!  I have lots of loving left in me.........hang in there folks!

I will do what I do best and reflect on the love I have felt over the years by remembering the puppy love of  boyfriends, marriage, holding my babies and grandbabies,  remembering their sweet smell, the continued love from parents, grandparents, family and dear friends.  Just a snippet of some of my personal love memoirs.   Here is a picture of me and my Valentine!

I pray all of you that read this will know and feel the love I have for each of you.  I truly could not go on without the support of God, my husband, my mom, family and friends.  I hope and pray that if I can just inspire at least one person that has suffered from cancer or any other debilitating trauma in their life, to never give up and believe that Love, faith and courage will sustain you.
All my Love,
Glenda

An Empty Picture Frame

I need someone to just listen, listen, listen to me today.  I am the proverbial empty picture frame.  I feel like something is missing.  I have the body and spirit but something is wrong with my mind.  I have been so anxious for the last 2 weeks.  I know the answer; it is that damned date posted on a paper stuck to my refrigerator.  The date is tomorrow and it says, "you are scheduled for your second PET Scan since your stem cell transplant!"  I knew it was coming at 200 days, but until I saw it in print, it never entered my mind.  Out of sight out of mind, so someone has said.

My beautiful husband keeps telling me everything will be good.  Why can't I believe him???  The fear creeps into my mind at strange times, making me sad and anxious.  Is that a normal reaction for cancer survivors?  I am hoping it is.  I know my friends and family think I am the greatest thing since sliced bread because I am so optimistic and smiling........sorry to burst your bubble on how you picture me.  But, the truth is, I think, and hope I am just like every other cancer survivor, or anyone else for that matter, that has had life changing events in their life.

I truly did have the best Christmas ever.  Take a look at a "smiling" me.  And, my two grandchildren that God so graciously gave to me.

At Longwood Gardens, PA on Christmas Eve

My grandchildren on Christmas morning

I feel better already, just revisiting the important things in my life.  Maybe it was an unconscious decision on my husband's part to decide to go hiking with a friend today, but a blessing in disguise for me, because maybe I just needed to reach out to God, friends, family and fellow readers so that you could hear my "story."

When I am troubled I do search out inspirational messages to help me.  Here is one I found that has helped me today.  Hope it does the same for you on days that make you anxious.
Philippians 4: 6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I also have turned the corner and am giving away some watercolors I have painted over the past several years. It truly does feel very good to "give."   I have given away, so far, 23 original paintings to some of my family.  Here are just two of them, sorry to anyone that wanted these, I have plenty more to choose from.

Have you been naughty or nice?

The sun will lift your spirits!

 Thanks for being my listening post today.  I will THINK ONLY GOOD.........God Bless all of my friends and family that are the caregivers of my mind, body and spirit!

Down for the count......but not out!

It was a gorgeous sunny day driving to Greenville on Monday afternoon, November 5, 2012.  We were on our way to visit my stem cell transplant doctor.  Of course I had my list of questions to ask her and she had a few for me.  Mine came first: 1) should I get a flu shot? answer, yes........2) keep taking Bactrim? answer, yes........3) should I continue to wear a surgical mask when out in the public? answer, no (counts are okay)...........4) What about eating in a restaurant? answer, yes...........5) Is it okay to have a glass of wine now and then? answer, yes............at this point she was putting me on the table and it was her turn for questions!  Yes, I completed the Oncology Rehab and take walks as much as possible.  Appetite is good, I just don't gain any weight.  I'm telling you it's all that darn healthy stuff, you need to have a big jam filled doughnut once in a while, duh!  Anyway, the take away message from that appointment was "no restrictions," using common sense of course.

So back to my first question, Yes, get the flu shot.  We stopped at our local CVS Pharmacy on the way home, and guess what, I did not wear my surgical mask.  I filled out the consent form for the flu shot and sat down to wait my turn.  Of course, the two little boys "coughing" sitting next to their mother unnerved me, but I had just been cleared to not wear the mask (that is when my common sense should have kicked in and hit me on the head to put on your mask, but God forbid I offend someone, get real next time Glenda!  Wear the darn mask when in doubt!)

I guess by now you have guessed where I am going with this story...........Yes, I did receive the flu vaccine about 6:00 p.m. Monday evening.  We did several things on Tuesday out and about, even ended the day having dinner with friends and I had my first glass of wine!  Started feeling "rough" Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, could hardly talk, I was very hoarse.  I figured it was because I talked too loud (music was a little loud in the restaurant).  But, oh no that was not to be, I started going down hill from there.  Long story, to short one, when my temperature reached 103.9, Bill called the cancer center, their answer go to the emergency room.  I swear I should have a name plate on one of their exam rooms because I have been there so much in the last year.

I told them I had a flu shot Monday evening.  They said it takes about 2 weeks for the vaccine to be effective, oh great!  Anyway, they did the nose swab, blood test, chest X-ray and urine test.  I failed the first two tests and passed the second two.  It was confirmed that I had A-Type influenza.  They called my stem cell doc and my oncologist to let them know the results.  I am taking my regular stem cell meds plus Tamiflu and Tylenol.  For at least three days, I have been in bed with fever and aches.  My fever finally broke yesterday evening and my voice is coming back slowly.

Do not let my story be a reason for you to skip your flu shot this year,  just the opposite.  I have received a flu shot every year for a very long time with no problems.  It was not the flu vaccine that gave me the flu it was someone (a live person) in the pharmacy Monday evening that spread their germs to me!  After all, I am a little different right now.  I am still the 68 year old woman on the outside, but my immune system was only 119 days old Monday night.  Think about it, my stem cells are like those of a 3-4 month old baby!

This whole episode reminds me of the "Scarlet Letter," by Nathaniel Hawthorne.  I should read it again some day.  From what I remember the Scarlet Letter A represented something sort of sinister, but I am just going to choose my own meaning, another badge of courage that I believe once again comes from a higher power that continues to dig me out of whatever "jam" I'm in!

Also, a funny side note.  A mutual friend of ours (a retired doctor, and chairman of the board of directors at the hospital) said I was the second confirmed case of the flu in SC.  What, not first!  Oh well, second best will have to do.  A living, breathing statistic is a good thing!

One last note:  CVS Pharmacy did give me a "shopping pass" for receiving the flu shot!

To repeat,  please DO get a flu shot, I am not the usual patient, so don't use my story to make it yours!  I will continue to receive a flu vaccine each year with a doctor's okay. Love all of you that continue to read my blog, God Bless You!

Ain't Messin' With The Kid Today!

It was a gray day in Westminster today and in a tiny spot in my brain I thought oh no, let this be a sunny day God; I have to see Dr. G (my oncologist) for results of last Thursday's PET Scan.  I have been feeling so good since my last "whiny" blog, so please give me some good news today!

I must tell you, this has been the GREATEST news day in several years!  I received an A+ on my PET Scan, listen folks I'm talking a PERFECT score!  I have never had a "one page" PET Scan report ever, this is my first one. There wasn't much to report except to say "no signs of recurrent lymphoma!"  My doctor was smiling from ear to ear when he told me.  My blood counts are getting better with each "draw," so as one of my Blues songs say, Ain't messin' with this kid today, cause I'm on top of the world!

I believe that God has been taking care of me even when I sometimes give up on myself.   The intercessory prayers I receive from friends, family and even friends of friends I don't know personally,  have brought me to this day.  I am humbled once again at the peace that only my faith can bring me, in the good and bad times in my life.  A simple thank you is not enough for the kindness so many people have shown me over the years in my struggle with cancer.

I have not wanted to post a picture of me with out any hair, but today after I dropped Bill off for a meeting, I came home and took off my hat and took this picture of myself.  I am proud to show off my bald head because it reminds me of what this year has been like.  So folks take a good look at my "badge of courage!"  

 I want all my friends and family that read my blog to know that your prayers are working, so don't stop praying now.  Thank you, and I pray that each one of you are also blessed with the love of God.

How Blue Can You Get

I know it has only been approximately a week since my last post, but "life" is just throwing me a few too many screw balls!  First I'm up and then I'm down, I just want things to go uphill at a steady pace, not jump so erratically.  There it is "no patience" raising it's ugly head again!

Okay what I'm talking about, remember me discussing my lab numbers last week?  Just a "catch up," in case you missed it.  I went to my oncologist last week and Neutrophil (NE) count was 0.6 (my infection fighters) and my lymphocyte (LY) count was 67.1.  Neither number was in the range they should be after 60-70 days since my stem cell transplant.  Last week, because of the numbers problem I was given an Injection of Neupogen (in the tummy).  I only needed Tylenol last week.

I went back for a recheck again on Wednesday this week and the NE count had bumped to 0.8 and the LY count fell to 58.9.  Not good enough for the doctor, so I got another Neupogen injection.  This time within 5 hours, my hips, thighs and even my hands hurt very, very bad.  Deep bone pain, headache and I felt lousy, like I was coming down with the flu (but I really wasn't; it was just the side effects of the Neugogen.)  I took a Percocet pain pill and went to bed (I rarely take a pain pill) so you have to assume how bad I felt.  On Thursday, I felt a little better but wondered why I felt like a truck had run over me.  Yesterday, I felt good, just a little fatigued.  Today, I feel pretty good, so I am climbing back up the "feelin good" hill, yea!!

My good friend Bonnie, so creative she is, sent me this card she made.  It did lift my spirits, now I just need my numbers to start moving in the right direction.

I was so upbeat on Tuesday, before the Wednesday doctor visit.  I drove myself to physical therapy, it was a beautiful afternoon.  After therapy was finished I drove home on our country roads with the sun roof open and the warm sun shining, radio turned up loud, listening to B.B. King sing "How Blue Can You Get!" And, on Thursday evening we were invited to supper with some of our dear friends.  I was really looking forward to the visit.  I have not been out much lately, boo hoo!  Well, we had to cancel the supper date, because I was so sick.

That's what I'm talking about dear friends and bloggers, this cancer thingy has put me down since Wednesday.  I am having a hard time getting back on a positive mode.  I know all the standard answers and the circumstances of my life which are pushing at me just a tad too hard right now.  It is that old "patience" thing again.  Believe me I trust in God to love me on the good days and the not so good days, and He is probably just waiting on me right now to trust in Him.  Okay, friends, family and fellow bloggers, I guess I need to get on my phone to God right now, He's waiting on me and I know he will never disappoint me, so hang in there God, I'm calling right now to say this blog has got me over my pity party!  I am ready to live again and never give up.  I feel so good now that I want to show you some beautiful flowers in my garden that God has provided to comfort me.

I think the bottom yellow flowers are asters of some sort.  They always bloom this time of year without any help from me.  And the little lavender flowers were dug up for me by a neighbor of my son in Atlanta, many, many years ago.  I have no idea what it is.  The neighbor did purchase plants from the Atlanta Botanical Society when they would have some of their plants on sale.  Maybe someone out there in Blog-a-sphere space may know what it is.  It blooms like this every year, spring and fall when the weather is cool.

I feel so much better now, thanks for listening to my whining.  I am ready for next week's lab work and I will cross that "number" bridge when it gets here.  God Bless Each And Every One Of You.

"Someone Else's Star"

Just when you think, YEA, finally everything is going in my favor, BOOM, another roadblock gets in your way.  I went to the oncologist on Monday, Sept. 17th for lab work and a check up.  I have been feeling good except for occasional fatigue, so when my oncologist called me in person instead of the nurse, that same afternoon, I knew something was up.  He told me he wanted to re-check my labs on Friday, Sept. 21st, because my Neutrophil (NE) count was 0.6 (too low) and my Lymphocyte (LY) count was 67.1 (too high).  Okay, not sure what that meant but I do whatever he recommends.  So back we went on Friday for the lab re-check.  The numbers were exactly the same.  He said he needed to give my bone marrow a "bump."  This is done with an injection of Neupogen (I've had this many times in the past, so I am familiar with the side effects).  The Neupogen is needed to stimulate the bone marrow which will stimulate my white blood cells.  Remember the Neutrophil count above, well that is my "infection fighters,"  so very important to raise that number.

Now if any of you bloggers are not totally understanding the above, welcome to my club!  Half of what I hear from the doctors and nurses is Greek to me, but my motto is do what they say, they have kept me alive so far and that ain't a bad thing.  And also, did I mention the doctor also told me I am Vitamin D deficient, well no surprise there, I missed the entire summer of sun stuck in a hospital.  I have added "that pill" to my others..........

Hence, the title of my blog is "Someone Else's Star" by country singer Bryan White.  Some of the lyrics go like this......"I guess I must be wishin' on someone else's star.  It seems like someone else keeps getting what I'm wishin' for.  Why can't I be as lucky as those other people are?  I guess I must be wishin' on someone else's star."

That's what happens to me when I am disappointed, I cry over sad songs or I feel the need to shop, usually though it is for socks, bras and things folks usually don't see!

Anyway, I did go shop after the news and the injection yesterday.  You can't see the new bra or socks but you can see the new fleece vest I bought.  My sister-in-law, Joanne, sent me the white blouse and scarf for my birthday.  Aimee gave me the earrings for my birthday.  And, the new black boots I ordered from L.L. Bean arrived yesterday.  I almost forgot, I bought the red wool beret yesterday as well.  Okay, I'm ready for cold weather, bring it on!

And here is the "entire" outfit!

The effects of the Neupogen hit you about 5-6 hours after the injection (at least it does for me.)  Your bones ache so much, especially your large bones like your thighs and hips.  I just take Tylenol but have to get in bed.  Much better this morning, still feel a little tired, but no more shopping for me.  And the down side is I have to wear a surgical mask anytime I am in the grocery store, department store, etc.  until my numbers get a little higher.

I love to listen to songs, even sad ones, but I know that my true healer is God and I am always in his hands and he will carry me even when I can't do it on my own.  Thanks for listening to me ramble, that is part of the healing for me, being able to share my feelings.  God Bless Each One Of You!

Viva Westminster!!

Okay, so it has been a few weeks since coming back home to Westminster and you have not heard a word from me, cut me some slack.  I have been so busy moving from one chair to the next, reading books, eating my own food, and most of all just gazing out the window at God's beauty.  But, time is moving on and I am getting stronger every day, in spite of myself!  Here is a picture I took the day we left our Greenville Apartment Complex, bye, bye to the Paddock Club Apartments.  That is me on the last day, August 3, 2012.

I do love my sun glasses and hat!

The day we drove home, was a happy, happy day.  When Bill turned onto Oliver Road, just minutes from our house, I started to cry.  Bill asked what was wrong, I said, "I'm so happy to be home, I thought that I might not make it back, but I guess I was wrong and God was right!"

Sometimes I dwell on what I have lost, days and weeks that have turned into months of struggling to just keep going, never giving up.  There were many days and weeks my cries could be heard by Bill.  Bill is a gentle man and can always bring me back to, "tomorrow you will be stronger, just keep your focus on Nathan and Katie."

I think I have finally reached that plateau where Bill hears not so much crying and lots of, " I can do that and I love the oncology therapy thing I go to twice a week."

So to each of my readers I pray for you as well, that whatever your "spot" is right now in life.  That sadness, worry or doubt can only be helped if you have faith that God will carry you during those times you can't do it on your own.  It also helps to have good friends and family to lean on and a great caregiver!

My kids and grand kids came to visit for my birthday, what a blessing for us.  Here is one of those early morning precious moments when no make-up is required to snuggle with Nathan and Katie enjoying my first cup of coffee!

I am on Day 55 (from the actual transplant date of July 8, 2012), when my stem cells were infused back in my body.  I visited the oncologist yesterday and my numbers are continuing to go up, good thing!  I am still somewhat vulnerable for the first 100 days.  I will be on anti-viral meds for one year.  Then I will start the process to be re-vaccinated with all the vaccines I  received as a child, such as Polio, measles, mumps, etc.  I will have a PET scan at 100 days, 200 days and I think one year.  I am taking it one day at a time.

So, one last picture, still no hair, so how do you like me in the hat Michael brought me back from Paris this summer?  Can't see the earrings very well in this picture, but Aimee gave me 3 sets of dangling earrings, love them!

 Love to all of you and my prayer for you is this.  I hope you have learned at least one piece of information through my rambling blogs that will help you maneuver through this beautiful life.  God Bless You.

Dancing With My IV Pole

Okay folks, I was released from the hospital last Thursday, July 19th to our apartment in Greenville.

 I must have been on a "fantasy trip," because I thought okay I am out of the hospital so I will get stronger and better each day.  That thought was definitely a fantasy!  I started eating regular food, after all that is what I ate at the hospital, what was I supposed to know.  My discharge order did not say otherwise.

 We went for our appointment on Friday morning at the Cancer Center for blood work and to get IV fluids.  I told them I was having diarrhea, and that I was using Imodium for relief.  All along I kept eating a regular diet.  We had an appointment at the Greenville Hospital Infusion Center on Saturday for more IV fluids.  At this point I have become a pro at "dancing" with my IV pole back and forth to the bathroom.  We went back on Sunday to the hospital infusion center (these appointments were already scheduled by the cancer center to keep track of my "numbers," etc.)  By the way, each time you go for an appointment the first thing they do is weigh you.  Well, on Sunday, the nurse went a "little crazy."  She said, do you realize you have lost 4 pounds overnight?  Well, no I didn't, but then I was still having lots of diarrhea and it was getting worse and I was starting to feel really awful. She called my stem cell doctor and I was put back on the same medicine I was on in the hospital and she also gave me an extra bag of IV fluids, long day for us.

Then the nurse informed me that I must change my diet to just bananas, applesauce, baked potato, rice, toast, roasted chicken (what not fried!!), absolutely no dairy products!  And to add insult to injury, no caffeine.  My friends and family know that I really, and I mean really do not do well without my morning coffee!

 Needless to say it has been a really stressful week for me.  But, the good news is most of my "numbers" have been going up slowly (which by the way is in the right direction.)  Two days ago the nurse told me to slowly add some regular foods, one at a time and see what happens.  I tried it with yogurt and it was a no go!  So maybe dairy might have to be the last thing I add.  This morning I tried coffee, YIPPEE SKIPPY, no problem!  Today was a day off from the cancer center and the hospital, so Bill and I went up to the pool and stayed for almost 2 hours.  It felt so good to lay on a chaise lounge and feel the filtered sun and nice breeze on my skinny bones.  I can't go in a pool yet, but Bill went swimming and loved it.  We go to the hospital infusion center tomorrow and depending on my hemoglobin number, I might need some blood.  We will pack a lunch, just in case, because it makes for a longer day if I have to receive blood.

Okay, enough of my "lousy" week!  Today has been great, so God has answered my prayers to give me the strength and courage to get through each day.  I have a lovely view out our apartment french door where I have sat for many hours, too fatigued to do anything else.  I love watching all the birds and folks walking their pets.  Michael, there is a lady that walks her "tea cup" chihuahua on a leash, funny to see.  She always waves at me sitting on the sofa.  Here is a picture of the view.  The apartment is very quiet and peaceful.  We are lucky it is in the back so we have this nice view instead of looking at a parking lot!

I won't sugar coat or fib about all I went through last week.  I cried a lot!  Each time I slipped into my "dark corner," my Bill was always there to lift me up with lots of encouraging words and hugs.  My mother already thinks he is a saint, so Mama I think you are right!

One last picture of "My Saint" sitting in a child's easy chair, pulled up to the postage sized TV with the sound turned low, so the noise won't bother me while I sleep.

Thanks everyone for keeping me in your prayers, pray for Bill as well.  I think of everyone often and hope that we will be able to come back to Westminster real soon.  God Bless You All.

Just A Closer Walk With Thee

Feeling great one minute, then "boom" everything went down hill!  Started day before yesterday, the diarrhea from all the antibiotics got the best of me.  It is a side effect that I will have to manage for another week.  I am better today, the doctor has put me on Lomotil (for diarrhea) along with taking Imodium tablets.  At home, I would adhere to the strict instructions on the box, not to take too much.  Well, that goes out the window when you are in the hospital, they give you as much as needed.  Also, feeling somewhat nauseated yesterday, did not get out of the bed much, no exercise, but I feel a little better today.  The nurses started the Neupogen injections yesterday.  That is the drug that will increase my white count.  I will be taking it for 6 days.  All of this is to be expected, I am just hanging in there.  Night before last, I was at a low point, I think I actually felt the "Indians surrounding my stagecoach!"  I had to do some deep, down in the gut praying to get me through it.  The nurses are so fantastic, nothing fazes them, they sweep in like birds, clean you up and make everything right again.  But, believe me it is so humbling to be put in situations that I normally can handle myself.

I have been listening to my gospel CD's, and other music that I brought, which has helped me very much.  There is just something about listening to a simple CD of the ocean sounds that can calm you down.  I am glad I thought to plan ahead with my music!

I looked at all my cards that Bill brought me the other day, so beautiful and such heartfelt prayers for me.  I am blessed to have so many on my side, wanting me to win!

My sister-in-law, Sandra and my brother Brent met a wonderful lady on a cruise a few months ago.  Sandra told me her story.  She has been cancer free for 12 years after surviving stage 4 cancer.  The lady has a son in a wheel chair.  The lady made a scarf, and I believe her prayers are woven into the scarf for me.  Here is a picture of me with the scarf on.  Very beautiful!  Thank you Sandra and Brent.

I will continue to stay positive, and believe that as so many others believe, my healthiest years are ahead of me!  I look forward to the future with friends and family.  Every word, kindness, and deed that you do for me and my Bill will never be forgotten.  You all sustain me.  God Bless You All. 

Biscuits n' Gravy

Yesterday was the big day for my stem cell transplant.  I woke up to Biscuits n' Gravy, honeydew melon, orange juice, bacon and coffee.  My southern roots kicked in with that scrumptious breakfast.  The Lord provided me a beautiful sunny day for the event.

I had a surprise the day before though, I thought it was going to be my free day, but oh no, one more chemo in the afternoon that lasted an hour.  The drug was Melphan (a toxic chemo, nitrogen mustard compound.)  I had to chew on ice the entire time and 30 minutes after.  This drug can cause mouth sores, so I have to rinse my mouth a lot with a saline solution many times a day, to help prevent the sores!

The stem cell process started at 1:30 p.m. yesterday and finished around 4:00 p.m.  It was quite a process.  Bill took some pictures.  Here are a few:

This picture is of the nurse taking a bag of the stem cells out of the dry ice container that was brought over from The Blood Connection, where it was stored.  Then they go through a processing of exact timing to defrost the cells just a little, a minute here, then another 5 minutes in a warmer tray.  The cells have to be hung and infused within 10 minutes.  Then they repeat the process.  I had 6 bags to infuse.  The nurses are checking my vital signs every 15 minutes. 

 This is what a bag of stem cells looks like ready to be infused into my body.  It was not painful, just tiring to lay in the bed not moving much. 

Here is a picture of my stem cell transplant nurses.  I can't say enough about all the excellent care I am getting here at the hospital. 

I was put back on the drug Lasix (diuretic) because I am still retaining too much fluid.  I weighed 116 this morning, WHOA!  My face looks like a Cheshire Cat this morning, very round, at least the wrinkles have smoothed out!

I was started on lots of antibiotics and anti-viral meds this morning.  This week will be the toughest, so I will take each day as it comes and work through it.  I am reminded of the song, Be Happy, Don't Worry.   I think it was sung back in the 80's.  My favorite version was by Bob Marley. 

So everyone out there, please do the same, Be Happy, Don't Worry!  I am in the right place to conquer this cancer.  God Bless Everyone!

"Pufferfish"

Okay, for all the questions about just what High Dose Chemo consists of, here is a list of the chemo drugs I have been receiving for the last 5 days:

One drug is called: Carmustine (brand name BiCNU)
Another is called:  Etoposide (brand name Toposar)
And the third one is called:  Cytarabine (brand name Cytosar)

The chemo drugs are repeated, not sure in what sequence, for 5 days, twice a day, morning and night.
Last night was the last night of chemo.  YEA!  Today is what is called my "Rest Day."  They are giving me potassium and magnesium in my IV to replenish what the chemo takes out.  Along with other fluids. 

I have had issues with fluid retention, hence the title of my blog.  I look like a Pufferfish!  I came in the hospital weighing in at 101.2 lbs.,  and in 3 days I went as high as 115.8 lbs!  I needed to gain weight but not this way.  The doctor ordered the drug Lasix, a diuretic.  They administer it through the IV and believe me within just 10 minutes I am going to the bathroom, and the effects last about 3 hours.  I have had the Lasix four times.  I have become an expert at maneuvering my IV pole to go to the bathroom.  My weight is down to 111.8 as of this morning!  But my eyes are still swollen, no eyelids, and my feet look sorta "pudgy!"  My legs are usually thin, but now resemble table legs!  Oh well, if that is all that happens, I am grateful.  The anti-nausea drugs that are constantly running in my PCA pump, have helped tremendously,  the doctors know what they are doing, thank you God! 

Tomorrow, Sunday, will be what the doctor calls "Day 0,"  the day they infuse me with my own stem cells that were harvested a few weeks ago.  They will start around 2:00 p.m., so I am told, and it will take several hours.  Should not be painful, the harvesting was not painful.  I still believe I am in a "lucky" room.  Room number 5426 (look at my last blog for my reasoning on that number, divine intervention to be sure.)  Here is a picture of the room number!

No pictures of me today, you are not going to see Glenda the "Pufferfish!"  But I do want to post a picture of my true love and the best caregiver anyone could ask for.  We share the computer while I am in the hospital, so I thought I would post a picture of him working.  Time goes by fast for me.  I have lots of things I do.  Cross Stitch, Sudoku, Solitaire, a book I am reading by Stuart Woods called Capital Crimes.  I like mystery type stories.  The TV stays off most of the time, nothing worth watching!

The food here has been very good.  My breakfast this morning was as good as a "Cracker Barrel" breakfast!  I have absolutely no complaints about anything.  I feel like I am in the right place to get completely well.  So by the Grace of God, friends and family I will win this battle.  Love to all my readers.  God Bless you all!

Keep Trying

Bill and I drove to Greenville Memorial Hospital Monday morning, July 2, 2012.  I was admitted to room 5426.  I will be here approximately 3 weeks for several different phases to complete the Stem Cell Transplant.  The room is nice and large with a beautiful view, lots of trees to see all the birds I love to watch.  I must tell you when we walked into my room, the number 5426 jumped right out at me.  I told Bill it was a lucky number.  He said why and I said, "If you add 5 and 4 together you get the number 9 (which is how old Nathan my grandson is.)  And then the number 6 (is how old my granddaughter Katie is), and the number 2 is for having 2 grandchildren."  I know you think that is a stretch, but remember I'm kinda quirky and think a little out of the box on many things.  I actually think it is not really just a lucky number but God's divine intervention, because every night the first thing I pray for is to live long enough to see my two grandchildren grow up.  I ask for a miracle healing, strength and courage to keep fighting.  Of course I have a litany of other things I pray for as well, can't you just hear God saying, "okay, it's Glenda praying, so it will be a little chatty!"  Here is a picture Bill took of the sign on the Hospital.

Today is July 4, 2012 and the nurse said I should be able to see the fire works out my window towards the downtown Greenville area.  I hope so, I'm looking forward to that.  Happy Independence Day to everyone out there, I hope your day will be filled with joy.

I dressed for the occasion today, with a red/white/blue scarf on my white hat and brought some American flags from home.  Hope you enjoy the picture.

I am coping very well.  The doctors and nurses are marvelous.  I have a PCA pump that is dispensing anti-nausea drugs continuously so I have been able to eat well with out feeling the effects of the chemo.  I will get 2 units of blood today, because my count is low, to be expected.  Also, some magnesium in the IV, it is too low and of course more chemo drugs.  But, hey that is why I am in the hospital to get well and move on to bigger and better things in my future.  So, I say bring it on!

You know how I read lots of quotes and inspirational messages, well the following is in a book I have at home:  The title is KEEP TRYING........When things go wrong And you wanted them right, And you feel like quitting But you have to fight........When disappointments come And you feel like crying, And you want to run away But you have to keep trying.........Remember success Means refusing to quit.  It means you try harder When you're hardest hit.........Your own victory parade, with flags of triumph flying, Will soon march down your street, If you will keep on trying.~~Perry Tanksley~~

I thought this message was right for my blog today, with the mention of flags flying on this beautiful birthday of our country.

Bill brought me so many heartfelt cards yesterday, so many with Blue birds on them, my favorite bird!  Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and support.  I will get through this with the help of God, family and friends.  Life is nothing with out a great support team!  Love you all.

Summer Harvest

Just when I thought I knew what the word harvest meant, I find out there is more to harvesting than just putting up beans, tomatoes, peas and getting the hay ready for winter.   All I remember about harvesting, I learned while visiting my grandparents farm in Mississippi every summer when I was a kid.   Hmmm......you are just never to old to learn something new!

The summer harvest I am talking about now is the recent visit I made to the Apheresis Stem Cell Collection Center in Greenville.  But, first I must tell you in order to "harvest" my stem cells I had a temporary catheter placed in the left side of my neck.  The tubes on this catheter are larger than the power port that I already have in place which is used for chemo, blood products, etc., you get the picture, right?  I was under the assumption, there I go again assuming about things I know nothing about, that I would be under anesthesia during the procedure.  After all, the instructions said nothing to eat or drink after midnight, duh!  Okay, so when we got checked into the hospital as an outpatient, the nurse says, and by the way it is already 2:00 p.m. (you know I was thirsty and hungry at this point), she says you can have the anesthesia or you can just have a local anesthetic, what is she talking about??  I asked, "will the procedure be painful?"  The nurse says it shouldn't be painful because it does not take more than 30 minutes to an hour for the procedure (I should have thought what does the length of a procedure have to do with pain!)  At this point, I should have asked, "are you speaking from the experience of having this procedure?"  But, oh no I didn't ask and went with the local anesthetic.  Boy, was that a mistake!  I really am not a wuss about pain, but let me tell you it was painful!  There is a silver lining to this story though.  There was a medical tech in the room named Jerry, he was wearing a silver type necklace with I think some sort of religious medallion.  He was helping with the set up and he could see I was in distress when the first of three injections was put into my jugular vein.  Wonder if it was the tears rolling down my cheeks or the moaning, either way, he reached for my hand and held it the rest of the time telling me to take a deep breath and let it out.  He kept telling me I was doing great!  He got me through the ordeal....he is my angel or maybe it was God dressed in green scrubs.  I am blessed that he was there!  Here is a picture of my neck with the catheter in place.

Before I tell you about the harvesting of my stem cells, I must take you back a few days and explain the preliminary things I had to do to be ready for the "harvesting."  Four days previous, I gave myself an injection of Neupogen in the stomach.  Nurses had trained me the week before.  The Neupogen syringe was already filled with the right dose and size needle.  So it was fairly easy to do myself.  If I didn't explain before what Neupogen does, it increases the white blood cells (infection fighters) from which the stem cells will be harvested.  The nurses are looking for a number between 4-6 million stem cells to be harvested from the white cells collected.  Then, on the night (exactly at 9:00 p.m.) before havesting, I have to give myself  an injection of Mozobil (the nurses called it the "bomb") because it multiplies the white cells even more than the Neupogen.  Don't ask me why exactly 9:00 p.m., I did just like they asked.  Anyway, this injection was not prefilled.  I had to fill the syringe from the Mozobil vial exactly to 0.6 on the syringe, without any bubbles!  Then change the needle to a smaller one for injection.  You know the old saying, "how many people does it take to change a light bulb?"  Well, it took Bill and I reading typed instructions, to complete this process.  Yikes, I am no nurse and do not ever want to be!  Way too stressful!

We reported to the Apheresis Center at 7:30 a.m. the next day to start the harvesting of the stem cells.  An unfortunate part of the process is once you are hooked to the machine, you have to lay there for 5 hours, no getting up for a bathroom visit.  You guessed it, use a bed pan!  The nurses do everything, because I am not allowed to touch the pan, how humbling is that!  Anyway, the first day of harvest, they got 2.98 million cells.  So, you guessed it, repeat the injections and come back the second day.  Same scenario, 5 hours laying in the bed.  I am so sick of the History channel on TV.  I probably can't even remember anything that could be useful the next time we play Trivial Pursuit!  Good news though, they called us later that day and said they got 3.30 million cells.  That meant we did not have to come back because I exceeded the goal of 6 million cells.  First time I think I can actually call myself an "over achiever!"  It felt good!  They did provide us box lunches which were good.  I just had to munch on mine laying down!  Here are pictures of me and of the apheresis machine.

The machine is really a wonder to see in action, the nurses are constantly monitoring and punching in numbers.  I was also given a calcium drip, see it on the other side of me.  Don't really know what it is for, but it must be important.

As the white blood cells are collected from my blood, red blood cells, platelets and plasma are also taken.  Because of this, usually your blood cell count and/or platelets drop.  I received platelets the next day with additional IV fluids at the cancer center and they also removed the temporary catheter, YEA!  We were released to go home for a 6 day rest before we have to be back to continue the stem cell transplant.  When we got home yesterday a Netflix was waiting for us.  We watched the movie SeaBiscuit.  If you have not seen it, we recommend it.  A real feel good story.  The message I got from the movie is, just because I'm banged up a bit, don't count me out of the race to win the battle!

I know, you are wondering when is she going to finish this story.  But, one more thing.  The Cancer Center in Greenville has provided Bill and I a two bedroom, 2 bath very nice apartment not far from the cancer center and the hospital.  We will have it available to us until August 3rd.  It is free of charge, can you believe it, how blessed we are.  Here is a picture of the company sign next to the front door.

I know I was a little "chatty" today, but I had so much to tell everyone.  Thanks for your loving prayers and God Bless all of you that follow me.

Doctor, Doctor Give Me The News......

Okay you ask, " give me what news?"  Well, it sure isn't, "I've got a bad case of loving you," from my title song!  Approximately 2 weeks ago, I got what I thought was a case of poison ivy, WRONG ASSUMPTION, it was actually a case of the Shingles!  I did not know much about shingles before, but I do now!  Who would have thought that having Chickenpox as a young child would come back to "bite" me when I  am in my supposed "golden years."  I think the poor chicken gets a bad rap on this one!  I actually like chickens; even painted a picture of one a few years ago.  Anyway, look out all you seniors out there, if you had chickenpox as a child this can happen to you as well.  I pray that shingles never afflicts you.  It is not very pleasant to say the least!  Evidently, according to the doctor, I had many strikes against me.  Not only did I have chickenpox as a child, I have cancer (lymphoma), have had extensive chemotherapy, and am what you call a "senior,"  and get this, if you are under a lot of STRESS, it may cause an outbreak of Shingles.  Well, I get an "A+," I have all the right answers, YIPPEE, SKIPPY!!  Not much a person can do once you get Shingles, except take the prescribed anti-viral drug, Acyclovir.  I have to take it for 14 days (5 capsules a day.)  Every time I turn around I am taking a pill.  I am using a few other items to help with the blisters.  Here is a picture of my "attack arsenal!"   Don't think for a minute that I am actually going to show you a picture of my shingles, you will have to take my word on how they look, not pretty!   I take Tylenol for the pain, and believe me it is painful.

Okay, I can hear you now, "what is she using the apple cider vinegar for?"  Well, you know me, I looked on the net to check out  "home remedies" for shingles.  The only one I was willing to try was the apple cider vinegar.  It actually helps with the pain.  Don't ask me how it works, but it has helped me. 

Anyway, I called the Stem Cell Transplant folks last week to tell them I came down with Shingles; they did not seem too concerned, they just added the extra week of the medicine Acyclovir.  I thought for sure they would postpone the transplant, but no everything is still a "go" for the procedure.  Bill and I travel to Greenville tomorrow for a battery of pre-transplant tests.  Pray everything goes well for me.

Okay, to end on a happy note, here is a picture of my "happy chicken," I don't think I will name her Shingles though!!!

Okay Jean I can hear you now, "why didn't she crop her picture?"  You ought to know me by now sweet girl, I am what you might refer to as a quirky kind of girl.  Love you lots!

Love to all of you, this blog keeps me going!

Live With Flair

I hope every one had a beautiful, relaxing Memorial Day weekend.  I loved listening to the military bands play on the TV and watching our country honor our military.  I grew up as a military kid, and have always felt that sense of deep pride and honor to be an American with love for my country.

The past three days for me have been awesome.  The weather was beautiful and sunny and now today it is raining and the rain is just as beautiful and welcome.  I was able to sit outside on our back deck and enjoy food; drink my chocolate milk or root beer and just enjoy the activity of all the folks having fun in their boats on the lake or floating near their docks, and I saw so many American Flags flying, awesome!  God provided me with a feeling of "I'm getting stronger each day," and that has felt so incredibly good right now.  I have put on a few pounds and hope to add a few more before I go for the Stem Cell Transplant in mid June.

My beautiful Mom sent me a surprise gift, a beautiful outfit she purchased at Victoria's Secret!   I am 67 years old and my Mom still thinks I would look beautiful in a Victoria's Secret outfit, now that's a Mother's love for you.  I put a little make-up on and posed for these pictures just for you Mom.  I think the Hot Pink color makes me look healthier, what do ya'll think?

And a little closer look at "Love Pink!"

I had fun being a "model" for a day.  I hope these pictures made you smile and to show everyone that I am still fighting to win this battle with cancer, and it is not always about worry and tears, I still have smiles and laughter inside that not even cancer can take from me.  God, friends and family are all around me to lift me up each and every day.  I have received so many cards, gifts and well wishes from everyone.  My thank you is truly from my heart.  God Bless You!

Tom and Jerry

Last week I felt like a character in my all time favorite cartoon, Tom and Jerry.  I felt I was poor Jerry at times, being chased by Tom.  Everything crashing down around me, and then when I got really mad, I was Tom, showing how much bigger I am than (Jerry) and I am going to win this battle!

Just so you know, I spent 5 days in the hospital last week with complications from my third Chemo session.  I really won't bore you with all the details, but believe me, it was a dreadful week!  I am home now and getting stronger every day.  Lost all the weight I had gained, so here we go again trying to add on some pounds!  I went to see my oncologist this morning for labs and a check up.  Labs are improving and, the good news, I do not have to go through anymore R-CHOP chemo sessions.  He is calling the doctor in Greenville to let them know I am ready to start the Stem Cell Transplant process.  So, now we will wait for their call to set up the schedule.  I am praying that the transplant process does not beat me up too bad!  I am very hopeful that this will be the answer to beat this cancer.

I was so surprised when we left for the doctor this morning to see my Easter Lily blooming, seems a little late, but maybe it waited to surprise me with the message that there is always hope!

Here are a few other pictures of some flowers in my garden that God so graciously bloomed for me to enjoy.   I sat on my porch this afternoon looking at all the blessings around me.  Mama I hope you enjoy these flowers as much as I do.

This one is a Hydrangea, just gets prettier every year.

 I have always called this a Balloon Flower, really don't know the botanical name, but it always blooms every summer without much help, just dead heading and it will keep on blooming!

I am not going to post any pictures of me this time.  I feel kind of beat up right now, maybe next time.  But I can't forget my special care giver, partner and love of my life, my husband Bill.  Here he is cutting the lawn.  He had a rough week also, sleeping in a chair every night at the hospital.  He would not leave me.  I love that man!

I will never be able to thank everyone for all the support, cards, gifts and prayers for me to win this battle.  Thank you Jean and Serge for encouraging me to set up this blog, very cathartic for me!  God Bless each and every one that reads my blog.  I hope it helps you in some small way, because it helps me in a huge way to write my story.

Badge Of Courage

On Thursday, May 10th, I received my third round of chemotherapy.  It was a tiring day, sitting in a Lazy Boy recliner for 6 hours while the chemo drugs are pumped into my Power Port.  I am so thankful for the port.  It makes the process much more tolerable, not minimizing the process in any way, it just lets me be "hands free" to drink, eat and I actually did complete a few Sudoku puzzles before the Benadryl hits me.  When they hang that bag, believe me it is a lot stronger than taking the Benadryl pill.  You can't focus, so the Sudoku puzzles go back in the bag and I just close my eyes.  After getting off the original chemo schedule, due to my unfortunate emergency surgery and then recovery, I am really glad, if one can be glad, to get back to fighting cancer.  I pray that the rest of my cancer journey to win this battle will be "text book," with no additional emergency glitches!  You can see by the picture Bill took after the 6 hours at the Cancer Center, I am on my feet and still smiling!

I was very tired after I got home, but after supper I felt better and even watched a Netflix movie with Bill.  The movie was "Becoming Jane."  A story about the author Jane Austen.  I really enjoyed it, not sure it was Bill's "cup of tea!"  I went to bed early and felt better on Friday.  We drove back to the Cancer Center to get the Neulasta injection.  This is to boost my white blood cell count.  This is the one I mentioned before about taking Claritin to help with the side effects of the drug.  It has worked for me, much less bone pain.  Bill took this picture of me after we got home on Thursday.  See my little "badge of courage" Band-aid on my Power Port!  Believe me I pray for lots of strength and courage each and every day to endure this battle.

I can't thank my friends and family enough for cheering me on with all their prayers, cards, and gifts of all kinds.  Means so much to me, but also to my Bill as well.  God Bless You.  You fill my heart up with your love.